i'm cold to the core (rumor has it i'm the one you're leaving her for)
by Procrastination Fairy
Summary: "Alright, Pretty Boy, let me explain something to you. You're in love with Blaine." ... "I'm not gay."/When Santana offers Kurt a chance to keep Blaine, his best friend since childhood and secret love, until Kurt's ready to tell him the truth, he can't really find it in him to refuse.
1. Chapter 1

This is only the second fic I've ever tried to write for glee. I initially intended on it being a one-shot, but it got long and I figured I'd post part of it to get some feedback. Also, there is a use of some slurs for homosexuals, so if that will bother you, I'd advise you not to read this. (Also, I'm totally posting the next chapter tomorrow. I got my wisdom teeth out and have had plenty of time to write.)

* * *

**fifth grade**

When Kurt and Blaine were younger, falling asleep in the same bed means nothing. They would snuggle up together, leg to leg, and watch movies until they couldn't keep their eyes open, and if in the middle of the night one wrapped his arm around the other, it meant nothing because they were just children.

This changes when Kurt hits middle school. A year older than Blaine, Kurt is always one step ahead, and he always makes sure to tell Blaine every mistake he makes in each grade so that Blaine doesn't have the opportunity to make it himself. Of course, Blaine always makes other mistakes, but Kurt figures if he can save him from one, he's done his job. Now in fifth grade, Kurt is prepared to take notes for Blaine once again.

This year's first note is: Don't sleep in the same bed as another guy because that makes you a fag.

This is what Kurt is told by Azimio Adams, who went to Luckly Elementary School on the other side of town, when Kurt mentions a sleepover with Blaine in the yearly ice breaker.

"What's a fag?" Kurt asks.

Azimio stares blankly at him. Noah Puckerman, the other member of their group, rolls his eyes.

"Don't be such a dumbass, Hummel," he says, and Kurt wants to cry that Noah used a bad word, but he knows what Noah does to people who tattle, so he stays quiet. "A fag is a guy who likes other guys."

When Kurt only seems more confused, he continues.

"Like, a guy who wants to kiss another guy. It's gross."

For a brief second, Kurt considers kissing Blaine. It seems very nice. Then he remembers that being a fag is a bad thing.

"Ew. Why would anyone do that?" he says.

"Exactly," says Azimio firmly. "It's just unnatural."

Kurt decides to clear the air once and for all. "Besides, Blaine doesn't sleep in my bed because I want him to. Dad makes me."

"Well, tell your dad to fuck off," says Noah.

Kurt shrugs, and they move on. After Kurt gets off the bus, he goes straight to the phone to call Blaine, even though he's not supposed to use the phone before Dad gets home.

"Don't tell anyone that we sleep in the same bed at sleepovers," says Kurt when the phone is handed to Blaine.

"Why?" Blaine asks naively. Kurt doesn't want to tell him the whole truth, but he knows that this is what Blaine is going to be facing next year, so he does it anyway.

"Because people will think you're a fag. That you want to kiss other guys," says Kurt. "Guys aren't supposed to sleep in the same bed.

Blaine is silent for a moment. "So we can't do that anymore?" he asks quietly.

Kurt hesitates. "Nah, we can. We know we're not fags. We just won't tell anyone."

Blaine agrees, and everything is okay. No one knows that they still sleep in the same bed at sleepovers, and they get to enjoy their best friend time. And when Kurt hears the Andersons arguing from Blaine's room, he's especially glad they can still do this, because Blaine definitely needs his best friend support.

* * *

Middle school isn't as bad as Kurt thought it would be. He misses having Blaine around during recess, but he makes friends with two girls from Luckly—Tina and Mercedes—who have also become friends with Rachel Berry. Kurt is reluctant to associate with her first, because dear Lord is Rachel loud and obnoxious, but they all like musicals and show tunes, so it kind of works. It's better than being alone at recess, or playing with the other boys, who get sweaty and dirty. That's really not something Kurt wants to be involved in.

"Why do you always sit with girls?" Matt Rutherford asks as they line up to go back inside after one particularly sunny and hot day. Kurt isn't too inclined to stand so close to him right now.

"What do you mean?"

Matt shrugs. "Why don't you come play with us?"

"I like being with girls," says Kurt.

Matt smiles. "Can't blame you for that!"

It's only afterward that Kurt realizes what Matt meant.

**sixth grade**

Kurt's fifth grade deflection works for a while, and no one suspects anything about Blaine Anderson when he joins the ranks of the middle schoolers. But in Lima, Ohio, suspicions run high when someone doesn't quite fit in, and Kurt, with his high voice and strange manner of dressing, is a prime suspect.

"Hey, Hummel, are you a fag?" David Karofsky whispers one day while they're having quiet work time.

"No," Kurt hisses. "That's gross." This is now his standard response, even though sometimes Kurt really thinks that kissing a boy would be nice. He's only thought about a couple—Finn Hudson and Mike Chang—once or twice, only in passing. And of course he's thought about kissing Blaine. Blaine is Blaine. He's different. But Kurt doesn't mention this to anyone, and it doesn't mean a thing. He's not a fag.

"Then why do you talk like that?" Karofsky asks.

"Can't help my voice," Kurt replies, and it's okay, it's okay, only a little longer until his voice drops he's sure. There's still a few other kids like him. It's going to happen.

"Dress like that?"

"I like my clothes," says Kurt.

"You dress like a girl," says Karofsky, and, for once, Kurt is speechless. He can't exactly deny it—Rachel, Mercedes, and Tina all say they love his clothes. But so does Blaine.

Kurt likes that Blaine likes his clothes.

But Kurt shakes away those thoughts, and the next day, he's switched from scarves and button-ups to t-shirts and sneakers.

"Where are your clothes?" asks Tina at recess.

"These are my clothes," says Kurt.

Mercedes is concerned. "Why did you change the way you dress?"

"Because scarves are stupid," Kurt says.

Tina and Mercedes look offended, but Rachel's face lights up. "Can I have all yours then?" she asks.

Kurt agrees. When she comes over for a playdate on Friday, she leaves with a bunch of new clothes. Their parents are reluctant to allow this, but when Kurt insists that he will never wear anything like that again, it's permitted.

(It's only after this playdate that Kurt realizes that Rachel has two dads. Rachel has fag dads. They don't seem gross; they seem happy and in love. Kurt doesn't know how to feel about this.)

When Kurt goes over to Blaine's for their weekend sleepover, Blaine's face falls when he realizes what Kurt is wearing.

"I thought you were going to wear a bow tie," he says in the most pathetic voice ever. "We were going to trade bow ties."

"Oh," says Kurt because he'd forgotten about that. He hates to disappoint Blaine, but he knows that he can't wear bowties anymore. Still, he likes them on Blaine, so he says, "I don't like wearing them anymore. I'm going to give you all of mine."

He thinks that should make Blaine happy, but Blaine still has that strange look on his face. When Kurt tells his dad to bring the box with his bow ties in it, Burt doesn't question it this time. Kurt gives the box to Blaine and says, "They'll look good on you." Blaine jokes that he's just doubled his collection.

Still, Blaine keeps his box and Kurt's box separate, even though he wears ties from both.

* * *

Rachel decides to have a musical marathon at her house one night. She invites the whole grade, but there's very little interest, and even then, not many have parents that will allow them to associate with the gay couple's daughter. When she gets around to telling Kurt, she's only had yeses from Tina and Mercedes, and she tells him so begrudgingly.

"I just wish more people understood the value of a good musical," she tells him. Then she changes expressions, a bright smile to convince him. "But you'll come, right, Kurt? We're going to watch the Sound of Music, Moulin Rouge, Funny Girl, Cinderella—Rodgers and Hammerstein, of course—"

"Can I bring Blaine?" Kurt asks. He knows it's rude to cut her off, but she'd be going on forever if he didn't, and as much as he likes his girl friends, he always feels better when Blaine is there.

"Yeah, of course!" Rachel says.

The five spend that Saturday night in Rachel's basement. The girls are all excited to meet Blaine for the first time, and Blaine is excited to get out of the house.

"Nanay and Dad have been arguing a lot lately," Blaine says on the car ride over, as Burt pretends he can't hear their conversation.

"Don't they always?" Kurt asks, although he's worried, because Blaine rarely mentions this stuff.

"More than usual," Blaine says quietly. He looks out the window, arm propped on the door and hand over his mouth, so his next words are muffled. "Do you think I should start calling Nanay Mom?"

"I think you should do what you want," Kurt says.

Blaine decides to call her Nanay.

When they arrive at Rachel's, the boys are too busy to think about it any longer. They sing along to all the songs, the five kids all proclaiming that this should be a regular occurrence. When it's time to go home, it's so late and they're so tired that they fall asleep together in the back seat of Burt's truck. Kurt will never figure out how he ended up in his room the next morning.

**seventh grade**

For the first week, Kurt is pushed up against the lockers. His claims of being straight are now ignored (although he knows that if he didn't say it, his life would be ten thousand times worse), so almost every boy pushes him around and the girls gossip and point.

Tina, Mercedes, and Rachel tell him to ignore it.

"It's not like being gay is a bad thing," says Rachel. "Look at my dads—have you ever met better people?"

Kurt likes Rachel's dads, but he doesn't like when she talks about them in public. People stare.

"No one should be ashamed of who they are," says Mercedes. "It's horrible that those boys think you should be."

"I'm not gay," Kurt says.

Mercedes gives him an apologetic look. "I know. Sorry."

But Kurt can fight through all of this. Except when he goes home and talks to Blaine, he remembers that Blaine looks up to him. And this is what Blaine will have to face. And no one is calling Blaine a fag to his face yet, but there's been whispers because of the bowties, and Kurt just can't allow this.

The plan comes at a Friday night dinner when Burt asks Kurt if he's joining any activities (which he now can as an upper middle schooler).

"Football," says Kurt surely, remembering that tryouts are the next week.

Burt looks at him worriedly. "You know that the game's made for big guys, right, bud? You're kind of … ."

Small? Scrawny? Kurt knows, but football is the only way to get everyone off of his back.

"I'll be the kicker," says Kurt, and tryouts come and go, and he is.

The first week, he's still pushed around. The second week, it's less frequent, as the new football team slowly realizes that practice will actually take energy. The third week, they have their first game, and they only win because of Kurt's kicking. The fourth week, Finn Hudson, the quarterback, notices.

"Why do they keep pushing you around?" Finn asks, and he's so dopey that Kurt almost feels bad for him.

"They say I'm gay," Kurt says, shrugging.

"Are you?" Finn asks. The question is said so plainly that Kurt isn't sure if Finn understands the weight of it.

He doesn't know how Finn will react so he says, "No. it's just because I have a high voice."

At practice the next day, Finn makes an announcement. They're a team, and they have to work together. One member can't be excluded. "Besides, if we're out one member," Finn says, making a meaningful glance at Kurt, "we could lose all our games."

Kurt is never pushed around in the hallway again. No one calls him a fag to his face. He's sure the rumors are still there, but it's a whole lot better.

"Why do you talk to those weird girls?" Azimio asks one day in the locker room.

"Who?" Kurt replies, distracted as he reaches for his shirt stuffed way in the back of the locker. He grimaces as his hand rolls over the dust inside.

"The loud one, the black girl, and the Asian chick," Azimio says.

"They're my friends," says Kurt.

"They're weird. All they do is talk about musicals and singing and dancing. What, do you like that faggy stuff too?" asks Azimio, looking affronted.

"Of course not," says Kurt. He stops talking to Tina, Mercedes, and Rachel. He doesn't have a good answer to give to Blaine when he asks why the musical nights have stopped.

**eighth grade**

The summer before Blaine becomes an upper middle schooler, Kurt asks him if he's going to join the football team.

Blaine lets out an enormous laugh. It takes so long for him to calm down that Kurt jumps on the chance to admire Blaine for a moment. Now that they're a little older, Kurt feels a little more free to admit, at least to himself, that he's attracted to guys, especially his best friend Blaine. And Blaine is definitely the most beautiful guy of all, with his dorky curls flying everywhere and bouncing when he gets to moving while he talks, bright hazel eyes that seem golden in certain lights because, yes, Blaine is golden, olive skin that's even darker after a summer spent visiting relatives in the Philippines.

Finally, Blaine regains himself and speaks. "I'm too small for that, Kurt," he says. "You're already the kicker. Besides, if I was on the team, I couldn't come to watch you play."

"So what are you going to do?" Kurt asks.

Blaine shrugs. "I don't know."

He ends up joining the choir. Kurt attends only one of his performances. Blaine is amazing, although his voice hasn't quite settled. Rachel, Mercedes, and Tina are also in the choir, and their voices are just as fantastic. But Kurt ignores them afterward and approaches Blaine only.

There's a lot of things he could say. _You have an amazing tone. I didn't know you could hit a note that low. Your voice is really smooth_. "You were good," is what he says. It's nothing to a compliment he could give, because he knows just how amazing Blaine really is. But Blaine gives Kurt a beaming smile anyway, so it's okay.

* * *

It's April when Santana Lopez approaches him. Kurt knows who Santana Lopez is, of course. She's a cheerleader and a supposed member of the Junior Celibacy Club, but everyone knows that she's been caught making out with Puck (as Noah now goes by) behind the gym multiple times.

Kurt doesn't know how she found him. Technically, the school isn't supposed to be open as it's the weekend, but there was football practice, and they're always allowed inside to get something from the snack machines during break. Kurt had forgotten his math book in his locker, so he'd snuck up here. Reasonably, there was no reason she should have been there for him.

She was.

"What's up, Hummel?" she asks, smacking her gum calmly. Her stare is icy, and, for a moment, Kurt can see why guys think they're attracted to her. Kurt knows he's gay, but she strikes such fear into him that he almost mistakes it for attraction.

"Do you want something, Lopez?"

Santana's lips quirk up for a minute. "Yeah," she says, "and you're going to give it to me. Here's how this is going to work: you're going to go out with Brittany, and I'm going to go out with Blaine."

"Brittany Pierce?" Kurt asks first, which is kind of stupid, because of course Brittany Pierce. Santana Lopez and Brittany Pierce are best friends. What other Brittany? "Why would I do that?"

Santana laughs, but it sounds like she's mocking him. "Alright, Pretty Boy, let me explain something to you. You're in love with Blaine."

Kurt is frozen in fear for a moment because how could she know? But he can't let this get out, so he rolls his eyes. "I'm not gay."

"I'm not here to argue sexualities with you, Hummel," says Santana. She pops her gum and twirls her ponytail with her finger. "I know you're in love with him. I see the look you give him. I know that look." For a moment, her face softens and her voice lowers. "I give that look to Brittany."

For all of his knowledge about gayness (which was admittedly limited to himself and Rachel's dads because there was no way Kurt was going to look anything up on the computer where his dad might find it), Kurt had never considered it from a girl's perspective.

"Oh," he says. He feels a slight sense of camaraderie, but he doesn't mention it. Santana scares him too much, and he doesn't think she'd like being lumped in with him just because they're both in love with their best friends.

"It's a simple plan," Santana continues. "We won't have to worry about them getting into serious relationships. Not real ones, at least. No matter how much Britt likes you, you'll never like her back. And I'll never like Blaine. It's simple."

Kurt can't help but think that's kind of awful. Just because he likes Blaine doesn't mean he wants to keep Blaine for himself. Okay, it does actually, but it doesn't mean he wants to force Blaine into this. Really, he'd rather Blaine choose Kurt.

"It's not really a choice, you know," she says. "I'm blackmailing you. You'd better ask Britt out by Tuesday, or I'll tell the whole school you're gay." With that, she turns to walk away, her ponytail swinging.

Kurt takes a quick breath. "How do I know she'll say yes?"

Santana glances back with a wicked smile. "Tell her that Lord Tubbington gave you a message that you should court her. She'll ask you what court means, and you'll explain it. She'll agree. And you'll talk me up to Blanderson so he'll say yes when I ask him out Wednesday."

Monday rolls around. Brittany is in Kurt's pre-algebra class, not that he knows how with the questions she asks sometimes. He stops in front of her desk five minutes before class starts.

"Um," he begins nervously. He wonders if this is how he's supposed to feel when he asks out a girl. Maybe he isn't gay after all. Or maybe he's just nervous because i he fails, everything is ruined. He takes a breath and looks at Brittany. She's pretty. Her hair looks soft, and she has a nice smile. This won't be so bad, he tells himself. "Lord Tubbington gave me a message."

Brittany's eyes light up with interest. "Oh?" she prompts, leaning forward and propping her head in her hands.

"He said I should court you," says Kurt.

Brittany frowns. "What does court mean?"

"It's like… going out, sort of. You'll be my girlfriend, and I'll be your boyfriend."

Brittany looks down at her homework paper. So does Kurt. Is that crayon? "Okay," she says. "If Lord Tubbington picked you for me, you must be nice."

At football practice that afternoon, all the guys pat Kurt on the back for scoring a girl like that. When he calls Blaine to talk that night, he expects a similar reaction.

"…You're dating a girl?" Blaine asks. The connection is shoddy, but Kurt can still tell that something's off about his voice.

"Yeah," he says. "Her name is Brittany. She's nice. And her friend Santana likes you."

"Oh," he hears Blaine sigh.

"I think you should go out with her," Kurt says, even though every cell in his body burns with abhorrence at the idea.

Santana keeps her end of the deal. Wednesday, she asks out Blaine. By the end of the week, Blantana and Kurtanny are the new power couples of the school.

**ninth grade**

Kurt worries that the separation of Blaine and Santana will make their plan fall through. He worries that Blaine will find some girl he likes and toss Santana to the side.

"Relax, Pretty Boy," she assures him (and he really hates that nickname because he's doing everything he can to appear as masculine as possible, from ditching his moisturizing routine to keeping his hair short and messily styled). "Blanderson won't break up with me. I'll make sure of it."

She does, and Kurt learns never to doubt her.

Freshman year is fairly uneventful. Kurt joins the junior varsity team, although he's assured that with his kicking he'll be up to varsity the next year. Santana and Brittany join the Cheerios, whose coach seems to take an odd liking to Kurt. She even picks up the nickname Pretty Boy from Santana, although she also occasionally throws in Porcelain, though who knows why. It all seems okay.

* * *

Until Brittany sneaks onto his bus after school one day.

"You ride the other bus," he tells her when she plops down next to him. Brittany smiles at him and leans to kiss his cheek.

"I know," she says. "But this is one that goes to your house."

"My dad isn't home," Kurt says. "He won't be for a while."

Her smile widens. "I know."

So they end up in his room in the basement, Brittany above him. She kisses him enthusiastically, and Kurt isn't entirely sure how to respond. He likes Brittany well enough. As far as girlfriends go, she's not bad, although sometimes he wishes she liked musicals so he could indulge sometimes. But kissing Brittany is nothing like he imagined kissing would be like. The popping noises that resound when they separate to breathe for a minute aren't exciting at all, a little strange even. When she takes his lip between his teeth, it does nothing to him.

So he imagines something else. Someone else. He imagines kissing Blaine. And suddenly it changes. He starts kissing back a little more, and he hears Brittany laugh.

"Isn't kissing fun?" she asks.

"Yeah," he agrees a little breathlessly and leans back in. It's easier to imagine it's Blaine when he can't see or hear her. They slot their lips together and hands roam. Brittany's hands are significantly smaller than Blaine's, but imagining that it's Blaine's hands on his ass is enough to excite him. Brittany suspects nothing from the way his hands tend to stay on her back, so long as he occasionally brushes up against the side of her boob, no matter how much of a turn-off it is. They continue for a while until suddenly the door to the basement opens and Burt is standing on the staircase.

Brittany and Kurt separate immediately, scooting to opposite sides of the couch. Kurt's face is flushed when he looks up at his dad.

He expects a lot of things. A look of disappointment. Anger. But not confusion.

"Dad," he says, "this is my girlfriend Brittany. I told you about her."

Brittany crosses her legs delicately and smiles. "Hello, Mr. Hummel. Your son is a good kisser."

Kurt's face goes redder, and he reminds himself to explain to her that that is not an appropriate comment later.

Burt looks at the two of them for a moment. It seems to take a bit to find words. Finally, he sighs. "Kurt, you should know better than to invite a girl over when I'm not home."

"Sorry," he says at the same time Brittany says, "Oh, but I invited myself over."

"It's my fault," Kurt assures his dad, unwilling to let Brittany give too bad an impression. She's sweet, even if she does stuff like that. He wants his dad to know that.

Burt nods. "Okay. Now, um, Brittany, I think you need to go home. Do you need to call your parents?"

"Oh, okay. No, I can walk from here. It's just a couple streets over," she says. She stands up and grabs her backpack. "Goodbye, Mr. Hummel. Goodbye, Kurt." She gives him a quick kiss on the cheek and clamors up the stairs.

Burt looks back at Kurt. Kurt wonders if he's going to give a lecture, with a look that pensive. Finally, Burt just shakes his head. "Door open if a girl is over from now on. Even if it's Mercedes or Tina or Rachel."

"I don't hang out with them anymore," Kurt says.

Burt frowns. "Not sure why…"

* * *

That weekend, Blaine comes over to play COD. Kurt hates COD, but it's all anyone talks about anymore, so he pretends. To like it, at least. He kind of sucks at it.

Blaine tells him so. "You need to aim better," he says. Blaine can never really say something negative without tacking on something nice—or constructive at least.

"Yeah, yeah," Kurt waves him off. It's not like he's going to practice. He only ever plays when someone is over. They turn back to the screen and play quietly for a while, sitting on the edge of Kurt's bed. "Dad caught Brittany and me making out the other day."

Beside him, Blaine stiffens. "Oh?" he asks, his voice a little choked.

"It was so embarrassing," he says. "I didn't think he was supposed to be home, but he came home early to watch the game. I forgot that was on."

"Kind of easy to do when you have a hot girlfriend to make out with," Blaine says.

Kurt laughs, even though that's not really why. "Yeah," he says, suddenly remembering that he'd been picturing Blaine the entire time. "How far have you and Santana gotten?"

He has no idea why he asked. He doesn't really want to know. Morbid curiosity, he supposes. But Blaine shrugs and says, "Just kissing. I'm kinda nervous. She's older. And I heard all those stories. But she doesn't pressure me at all, so it's no big deal."

If Kurt were any other guy at McKinley, he would have teased Blaine about being a prude, because what kind of guy doesn't go for sex? But Kurt is Kurt, and Kurt is in love with Blaine, so he's perfectly content with that situation.

* * *

Blaine comes to the junior varsity's last game.

"I thought you said you were going to come to all my games," Kurt teases when he sees him.

"Eighth grade is a very busy year," Blaine tells him seriously. He leans over the railing of the bleachers to speak. "You're going to be great though. I'm sure."

Kurt shrugs, a feat in the padding. "It's not even a big deal. It's just JV."

"You'll be varsity next year," Blaine tells him. "You're too good not to be."

Kurt smiles at him, and Blaine smiles back, and sometimes Kurt gets lost in moments like these, where it's just them, soaking up each other's presence. And then Brittany and Santana run over to give their boyfriends pre-game kisses.

"Sweet lady kisses always make me feel better," Brittany whispers in his ear. He really should wonder what she means by that, but he's more distracted watching Blaine and Santana. Neither seem very interested in each other. Kurt wonders why they're together, and then he remembers.

He hopes Santana can continue to hold up her end of the bargain.

Kurt says goodbye to Blaine and the girls and makes his way over to the team. As he reaches the bench, Finn Hudson stops him. He points up to the bleachers.

"Is that your dad?" he asks, and, yes, Kurt does see Burt sitting with some red-haired woman. "That's my mom."

Kurt and Finn exchange looks.

"Where did they meet?" Finn asks.

"I don't know," says Kurt. "I didn't even know they knew each other."

Before the end of summer, Burt and Carole are married, and Finn and Kurt are stepbrothers.

**tenth grade**

With tenth grade comes many new things. This is Blaine's first year of high school, and, as risky as it is, Kurt signed up for as many shared electives as possible. He doesn't want to be accused of being too close to his best friend, but it's Blaine, so he does it anyway. And Blaine doesn't seem to care, so it's good. Really.

Santana convinces Blaine to join the Cheerios with her and Brittany.

"He needs something to up his cool factor," Santana tells Kurt. "It's already hard enough for me to date him when he's a year younger. I need a popular guy for my rep. Plus, on the Cheerios, he'll be safe. No one wants to cross Coach Sylvester."

Kurt agrees with that, so he's completely supportive of this move.

Then, New Directions happens.

McKinley has always had a glee club. Of course, it sucked freshman year. The only good singer was Rachel Berry, and no one really wanted to be around her. Even Mercedes and Tina were reluctant to join with the club sucky as it was. But then Mr. Ryerson is fired and Mr. Schuester takes over. This shouldn't really change anything.

It does.

"I want to join the glee club," Blaine announces at lunch. Santana, Brittany, and Kurt alike give him incredulous looks.

"Dude," Kurt says, and, wow, did that come out of his mouth? It's weird how this act takes him off guard sometimes, even though he's been doing it for three years now. He rubs his thumb along the hem of his letterman jacket just to remind himself of who he's supposed to be. "Glee club sucks."

"But Mr. Schuester is cool," Blaine says, and, of course, he'd say that, he's taking Spanish. Kurt is too, but he's also taking French, and he much prefers Madame Bordeau. "It might be fun this year."

"Yeah, but fun doesn't mean it's not lame," Brittany says. She puts her hand on Kurt's thigh. "Right, boo?

Kurt starts. "Right," he agrees nervously. He catches Blaine's gaze briefly and has to wonder what that gaze meant, the way his whole face fell.

"I'm joining glee," Blaine says surely, and then he leaves the lunch room. The other three finish eating quietly. When the bell rings, Brittany walks off, and Santana holds on to Kurt for a minute.

"He'll be fine," she says. "He's a Cheerio. Nothing can happen to him."

* * *

New Directions shouldn't be such a game changer. It is. Next thing Kurt knows, Finn has joined. He refuses to tell anyone a straight answer, only saying that he likes to sing and he's getting extra credit. Kurt offers to tutor him in Spanish, especially after Azimio and Karofsky tell him to "get the fag out of Hudson before it infects the whole team," but Finn refuses.

"I have to do this, bro," Finn tells him while they play COD. (And, oh my god, if Kurt had known that Finn moving in would mean more COD, he would have done everything he could to sabotage Burt and Carole's relationship. Except not really. Carole is great, and as far as stepbrothers go, Finn isn't that bad, he supposes.) "Just trust me."

"Okay," Kurt says.

"Hey," says Finn, "you could join too. We need new members, and it might be better if we had another football player."

"Fuck no," Kurt says. He would love to join, honestly, to sing again, outside of the shower. But he can't do this. He's built this up for so long. Singing would make it tumble down. The guys tolerate a lot of things about Kurt, but his voice is something that can't be changed. It's high, and it's going to stay that way, it seems. He sings high too. That's why he can't join glee. Kurt doesn't dress like he wants to. Kurt doesn't act like he wants to. Kurt can't even sing like he wants. But at least no one is pushing him around.

* * *

In the end, it doesn't matter, because Quinn, Santana, and Brittany are sent in as spies. Brittany begs him to join, because Quinn and Santana's boyfriends are already in the club.

"They keep talking about singing duets with them," she says, "and I want to sing a duet with you. You can sing and I can dance."

Kurt laughs and kisses her. (He's gotten better at doing that. Any lingering rumors about him have been dispelled by the way he pins her to the lockers and kisses her between classes.) "That's not quite how duets work, sweetie," he says. "And I don't really like to sing. But I'll dance with you."

So during lessons, Blaine and Santana will sing, and Kurt and Brittany will dance. Sometimes, Kurt is dazzled by how much of a leading man Blaine is. How Santana seems to suit him perfectly. They look like a perfect straight couple.

Kurt hopes that he and Brittany appear the same.

* * *

Somehow or another Mr. Schue rounds up enough members. The roster is officially this: Rachel Berry, Artie Abrams, Tina Cohen-Chang, Mercedes Jones, Blaine Anderson, Finn Hudson, Quinn Fabray, Santana Lopez, Brittany Pierce, Kurt Hummel, Noah Puckerman, Mike Chang, and Matt Rutherford.

* * *

Glee is dramatic. Kurt doesn't really understand why. But Finn makes out with Rachel, and Quinn isn't happy. Then Quinn is pregnant, and Kurt and Finn have to hide that from their parents. And then Finn is torn between Rachel and Quinn, and Kurt has to remind him that he got his girlfriend pregnant. It turns out that Puck is the real baby daddy, and Finn and Quinn break up, but then Finn dates Rachel and breaks up with her. And Rachel dates some guy from Vocal Adrenaline who screws her around, and everything's really such a mess that Kurt stops paying attention.

Santana, Brittany, Blaine, and Kurt try to keep themselves out of the drama. They're steady couples, and it's kind of an oasis in school.

The only problem is that Kurt sees Tina, Mercedes, and Rachel around more often now. They all seem vaguely disappointed when they see him. Kurt reminds himself that it's all okay. He just has to last through high school. Maybe one day he can return to a reunion, all out and proud and reconcile with his old friends.

For now, he's Kurt, the star kicker on the football team, dating a beautiful cheerleader named Brittany.

(The Broadway and Blaine-loving Kurt has to stay hidden.)

* * *

Burt's open door rule is easy to get around. Kurt pays more attention to when his dad will be home, and he and Brittany fool around more and more. Kurt knows he's not attracted to her, but it's a good distraction. With all his practice, he can now actually touch her boobs without being distracted from his Blaine fantasy.

"You look so hot when you moan like that," Brittany whispers in his ear as his head rolls back. She presses kisses to his stomach and moves closer to the hem of his pants. "I want to," she says.

Kurt says, "Wait," and he crawls over to his nightstand, pulling out his hidden box of condoms. "I want to do everything with you," he says. He doesn't really, but it's been long enough. All the guys keep asking in the locker room. He has to get something to tell them.

When it's over, he and Brittany cuddle for a bit.

"I think I love you," she says.

He says, "I love you too." It's a different type of love, and it makes him feel guilty. But this is the way it has to be.

* * *

They don't pass Regionals. They didn't really expect to.

They get another year anyway.

* * *

The Hudson-Hummels move into a new house over the summer. This house has a pool. Kurt and Blaine spend many days lounging around in it.

Kurt sometimes wonders why he invites Blaine over more than Brittany. Then he remembers that he thinks Blaine looks amazing in a swimsuit. (Shirtless Blaine is really amazing. He's all kinds of hairy, but it's sort of hot, and he has muscular arms and nice shoulders, but his tummy looks sort of soft, which makes Kurt think it would be nice to rest his head on. Not that he ever could.)

"Is it weird that I'm almost sixteen and still a virgin?" Blaine asks on a July day when Finn has gone out with whatever girl he's dating at the moment.

"No," Kurt says. "I was at your age." He ducks under the water to cool off, chlorine sticking to his skin. He runs his hand through his hair and wipes his eyes before looking back at Blaine, who looks a little dazed, but quickly snaps out of it.

"Was," Blaine repeats. The look on his face breaks Kurt's heart. He doesn't know why.

Kurt flushes. "Britt and I… a while ago…"

"You didn't tell me?" Blaine wonders. "I thought we were best friends."

"We are," Kurt assures him. "It's just—you never asked."

Blaine sighs. He shifts to float on his back. "Was it nice?"

Kurt wonders what to say. It was. He came, and he made sure she did. But it didn't seem quite right. Something was missing. (He pushed aside the voice that was telling him it was another guy.)

"Yeah," Kurt says.

"Britt's a lucky girl," says Blaine.


	2. Chapter 2

**eleventh grade**

There's a new boy this year. His name is Sam, and his hair is totally dyed. Kurt knows this. He can recognize this stuff from a mile away. He doesn't tell anyone though. He can't very well admit to knowing this stuff. And dying hair means he might be gay, and Kurt can't subject anyone to the torture of being an out gay person at McKinley. He won't let anyone do that.

This is why there's a huge problem when Blaine suddenly stands up in glee one day and says, "I'm gay."

So let's backtrack.

The year starts off pretty normally. Matt Rutherford transferred, so they're down a member to start with. (They technically have enough, but really, twelve members is small for a show choir. Having back-ups is nice.) And of course there's the usual glee drama.

(Apparently Tina and Artie dated and broke up, and now Tina is with Mike. Rachel and Finn are together, but who knows what exactly is going on there? Quinn is officially back on the Cheerios, and that means Santana and Britt are kind of miserable. Kurt spends a lot of time comforting.)

Then Rachel manages to send a girl to a crackhouse, and Finn tries to convince Sam to join glee, but there's a new football coach, and Sam ends up replacing Finn as quarterback. After half the glee kids got slushie facials (which Kurt was lucky enough to avoid by being with Santana, Brittany, and Blaine at that time-if anyone had tried anything then, it would have gotten on one of their cheerleading uniforms, and Coach Sylvester would not have been happy), Sam is not interested at all.

This is a huge disappointment to all the members, so Kurt takes it upon himself to convince him.

(It's easy, really. All he does is sit down after practice and ask, "Why are you scared to join glee? Do you think someone's going to call you gay?"

Sam replies, "I don't care if they call me gay. It's not an insult."

Kurt already likes him. "You don't need to worry about it, anyway. Your hair is enough to start rumors. Dye or lemon juice?"

And then he adds in a few comments about how real friends mean more than popularity, and Sam is in, hook, line, sinker.)

So, first, they have their new member. But then there's a duet competition. And Kurt starts to ask Brittany, but Santana gives him a look, and the girls are definitely sticking together. So Blaine turns to Kurt and asks if they can do one, and Kurt agrees. It doesn't mean anything. It's just a platonic duet. Really.

Kurt and Blaine sing Animal, directing their motions at their girlfriends as much as possible, while still trying to make it obvious that it was a duet with each other and not just two guys alternating lines. Kurt can't help but think he's looked at Blaine too much, though, especially when Santana laughs through the entire performance.

When it's over, she approaches him and says, "You're so stupid."

"I know," he says, face bright red. "I kept looking at him."

She rolls her eyes and laughs even more. "You're so stupid."

Once she's left, Brittany wraps her arms around Kurt's waist and nuzzles into his back. "What did Tana want, boo?"

"Nothing really," Kurt lies. "She told me that I need to kick her boyfriend's ass if he ever tries to do a stupid serenade like that again."

"I thought it was nice," Brittany says, moving around to face him. "I love you."

Kurt replies in kind, and they say their goodbyes and go home. But the next day, Santana comes running up to his car as soon as he pulls into the parking lot.

"Blaine broke up with me," she says.

Kurt yanks his bag from the passenger's seat and turns to face her. "You said . . . ."

"I know!" Santana huffs, crossing her arms. She glances around the parking lot before speaking again. "He said I'll understand later today. I think he's going to . . . ."

Kurt realizes that Santana is making a rare show of emotion. She almost seems concerned. Kurt wonders what could be making her act like that.

"Watch out for him, Pretty Boy," is the only clue he gets. "He may need it soon." And then Santana turns on her heels and heads to the building.

These words should resound in Kurt's head, but his fears get the best of him and he worries that Blaine has found a girl he likes. He's so preoccupied by these thoughts that he doesn't even notice that Blaine isn't wearing his Cheerios uniform. Then it's time for glee, and Blaine asks Mr. Schue if he can have the floor for a minute.

He doesn't really lead into with anything. He says, "I'm gay," and then, "I wanted to tell you all first because, you know, we're kind of family. And I haven't even told my parents yet, but . . . ."

Blaine looks so uncomfortable at the idea that Kurt wants to reach out and comfort him.

"I'm coming out, though," he continues. "Completely. I don't care what the rest of the school thinks."

Kurt looks at Santana and suddenly realizes why she was worried.

* * *

Kurt does the only thing he knows how to do in these situations. He avoids it.

He doesn't have as many classes with Blaine this year, so it's not so hard. The ones he does, he either sits surrounded by others or complains of a headache when Blaine tries to talk to him.

After the third day, Blaine stands up and grabs his bag. "Fine, I get it," he says. He looks a little hurt when he turns back to Kurt. "I didn't think you'd give up our friendship over this." Then, Blaine moves to sit with Tina and Mike instead.

Kurt should feel bad. He does feel bad, in a way, and it's only worse when Brittany asks him why he doesn't talk to Blaine anymore.

His thoughts are no longer of just talking to Blaine though. He imagines things he'd never let himself imagine before, imagines holding Blaine's hand, imagines cuddling Blaine, and he feels himself fall more in love. This only worsens Blaine's absence, and Kurt finds himself missing his best friend more and more every day.

Kurt isn't the only one hurt by the separation. Blaine sings when he's upset; Kurt knows this better than anyone, and now Blaine sings in glee. He sings Time After Time and Torn and Wreck of the Day, and everyone knows exactly who the songs are sung about.

(This, of course, is ignored because Santana and Brittany have been singing their feelings to each other as well. Kurt has a suspicion that Brittany is sleeping with Santana, but he doesn't really care. It's not like it's a real relationship,)

As time goes on, the news that Blaine is openly gay spreads across the school. He starts getting glares in the hallways, people start to avoid him, and if one of his friends isn't in the class, he's more likely to be pushed around.

"Sometimes it even happens when one of us is there," Brittany tells Kurt one night as he's braiding her hair for her.

Puck-surprisingly-also mentions the bullying Blaine goes through. "It's hard to keep an eye on him all the time," he says in the locker room after almost everyone but the glee guys have left. "And normally when I'm looking, they don't touch him. But sometimes I'll turn my head suddenly, and-" He grimaces.

"It sucks that people here are so homophobic," says Sam. "Blaine's a cool dude. He doesn't deserve this shit. No one deserves this shit."

"We should watch out for him," suggests Mike.

Finn says, "It's not like he's even changed since he's come out. He acts the same as ever-except the way he dresses, but then again, he was a Cheerio."

Kurt doesn't respond to any of this. He throws his clothes in his bag and tells Finn he'll be waiting in the car.

* * *

Just because their friends accept Blaine doesn't mean that everyone on the football team does. Coach Beiste doesn't allow anyone to bad talk Blaine around her because she doesn't allow for discrimination, but as soon as she's turned her head, the words come flying.

At first, the other guys say it in front of Finn, Puck, Sam, and Mike too. But none of them will stand for it. Soon, it's just Kurt who endures the remarks.

"It must really suck for you, dude. You were bros, right? He probably hung around to watch you change."

"Maybe that's why he came out. Because he wants to bed you."

"It kinda makes sense, you know? He used to stare at you all the time," says Karofsky, and Kurt is sorely tempted to tell him that Kurt has caught him staring at Blaine's ass before, so he's really not one to speak. But then the memories of being pushed into lockers comes back and he pictures the way the guys treat some of the other students.

Kurt can't go through that.

He says nothing about Blaine to them.

This does not go unnoticed by the others.

"Kurt, Blaine is your best friend. Why are you abandoning him just because he's gay?" Sam demands after glee has ended.

"It's not cool," says Puck. Behind them, Mike and Finn give disapproving looks.

Kurt doesn't have a good excuse, so he leaves.

(That night, Finn will go to Burt and ask him to convince Kurt to talk to Blaine.

"Why does Kurt need to talk to Blaine?" Burt will ask, because as far as he knows, Kurt and Blaine are as close as ever.

"Blaine came out as gay, and Kurt hasn't talked to him since," Finn will say. "And it's wrong. Blaine needs his best friend with the way people at school treat him." He will be prepared to go on, but Burt will cut him off.

He will sigh and say, "Finn . . . you have to understand that this is difficult for Kurt."

"Why? Kurt's not the one who came out!"

And then Burt will explain that for many years he'd thought Kurt was gay. Finn will say that the way Kurt used to dress didn't make him gay. Burt will say there were other things, and they will talk for a while, until Kurt comes home from Brittany's, and they no longer have the ability. Finn will go to school the next day and watch Kurt very carefully.

Finn will realize that Kurt looks at Blaine the way he should be looking at his girlfriend.)

* * *

Weeks pass, and something like normalcy comes back to McKinley. The overt bullying has died down now that the football players from glee are watching out for Blaine-at least that's what Blaine says-but everyone still hears the remarks. Kurt can tell that it's getting Blaine down, and he wants to reach out and comfort his best friend. He cares more about Blaine than anyone else, besides maybe his family. But Kurt doesn't know what to say. "I'm gay too, and I'm in love with you, but I'm too scared to tell anyone else." He can't imagine how ashamed Blaine might be of him. He can't risk that. And he can't risk the school knowing either.

Those thoughts keep him from working up the nerve to talk to Blaine. Still, he does what he can. He glares at anyone who gives Blaine a bad look, he makes sure that in their shared classes no one bothers him, and he tends to wait until he's sure Blaine's left the parking lot to leave himself.

Kurt feels that this might be enough until he's going to class-he'd had a dentist appointment-and he notices something spray painted on Blaine's locker.

"Fag," it says.

Kurt feels like throwing up. He feels like screaming. He feels like he's going to have a panic attack.

He turns and walks to Coach Sylvester's office.

"Pretty Boy," she greets him calmly with a bob of the head. "What do you need?"

"I need you to excuse me from class," he says.

Coach Sylvester looks skeptical. "Is there a reason?"

"Someone wrote fag on Blaine's locker," he says. His voice sounds hollow even to himself

Coach Sylvester hesitates. Her normal expression slips away for one of more concern. "You do understand that that's harassment, Porcelain. That could be used as evidence of the bullying-"

Kurt scoffs. "Like they're going to actually do anything," he says. "We don't have cameras so they don't know who did it. The whole school will just get a talking to about tolerance, and everyone will know it's about Blaine. And maybe they won't do this again, but they'll find other ways to torment him.

"Besides, he hasn't seen it yet," he adds, knowing that Blaine doesn't go anywhere near his locker until after lunch. "And I don't want him to."

So Coach Sylvester excuses him from all of his morning classes, gives him some locker-colored paint and paintbrush, and tells him to get it done quickly.

Kurt takes the supplies and works until he's covered up the letters. Then he tries to smooth out the paint so that it looks as if nothing had been painted in the first place. Then, Brittany comes by in the middle of his work.

"Kurt? What are you doing with Blaine's locker?" she asks. She looks at the locker, and though the letters are covered, she can still read it. Her face falls. "Oh, Blaine . . . ."

Brittany takes a seat on the floor by Kurt's feet. He doesn't address her and continues to paint.

"It's so horrible that they would do this," she says. When he doesn't reply, she adds, "I think I'm bi."

Kurt still doesn't respond. He finishes the F and moves on to the A.

"I'm glad you're friends with Blaine again," says Brittany. "I love you, and I like Blaine, and I like it when you're friends."

Kurt stiffens. He wonders if Brittany would forgot to keep a secret if he asked. He decides not to take his chances again. "Blaine and I aren't friends again, Britt," he says.

"But you're painting his locker," she states, confusion emanating from her voice.

"You're just dreaming," he says.

Brittany, bless her heart, believes him.

* * *

Kurt doesn't know why Brittany and Santana are fighting. He does know that Brittany has called him frequently in the evening crying after some sort of argument with her best friend. He knows that Brittany has shown up to school looking tired and upset for the past week, and that Santana has been even angrier and bitchier than usual.

He doesn't expect it when Santana stops him at his locker and says, "Break up with Brittany."

"I thought you wanted me to keep her from getting into a real relationship," Kurt says when he finally regains his voice.

"That doesn't matter anymore," she says bitingly, and Kurt notices that her eyes look a little red. He doesn't dare ask her about it though, and Santana straightens up and gives him a sharp look before lowering her voice. "Here's the deal, Pretty Boy. You break up with Brittany, or I tell the school that you're gay and in love with Blaine."

He imagines what life would be like if he was out. He imagines what life would be like if he could tell Blaine that he's been in love with him for years. He imagines what life would be like if they were dating, could hold hands, could kiss, could sleep together.

He imagines the torment he'd get for being gay.

"No," he says.

"No, you won't break up with her?" Santana twirls a strand of hair with her sharp fingernails, and Kurt wonders if maybe she could use those as weapons.

"No," he repeats. "Don't."

He imagines the torment he and Blaine would both get for being together.

"Don't. I will. Just please don't."

Santana nods approvingly. She places her hand on his arm. "Good," she purrs. "And as soon as you tell her you're through, you're mine."

"What?" he exclaims.

She says, "We'll pretend we're dating. We only need to kiss in public. We don't even really need to have dates, unless we're invited on a double date."

"You're Brittany's best friend," he says. "This is going to hurt her." And Kurt cares about Brittany. He doesn't want to hurt her.

Santana makes a bitter smile. "Good."

* * *

Kurt tells Brittany the truth. Sort of.

"I love you," he says gently, "but I'm not in love with you."

"Oh," she says.

"I'm in love with someone else," he says. And this is where the lie comes in. Santana walks across the choir room and takes his hand.

Here is where Brittany breaks. She looks from Kurt to Santana as if trying to figure out which one really betrayed her, which one she's really jealous of, which one really has her heart.

She runs out of the room crying. The rest of the glee club watches and turns their cold eyes onto Kurt and Santana.

"How could you do that to her?" Artie asks.

Tina and Mike give them matching disgusted looks.

Mercedes shakes her head disapprovingly.

"We're in love," Santana says calmly. "It's not something you can stop." She leans into Kurt's shoulder. It feels awkward and weird, not at all like when Brittany or Blaine laid their heads on his shoulder. (Not that either of those felt the same. When Brittany lays her head on him, Kurt feels affection. When Blaine lays his head on him, Kurt feels fireworks.)

"You couldn't have waited a week after the break-up?" Rachel rolls her eyes.

Santana goes off on one of her rants, and Kurt stops paying attention. He glances over at Blaine, who isn't giving him the same sort of look everyone else is. No, Blaine's expression is more delicate. It's not that he's not angry for Brittany, because he clearly is, but there's something more there. Blaine knows Kurt better than anyone, and he can tell that Kurt is hiding something.

Kurt knows Blaine better than anyone, so he knows that Blaine knows this.

On a normal day, Kurt relishes this special connection they have. On days like today, Kurt wishes he'd never put so much trust in Blaine.

* * *

Because Blaine knows Kurt so well, he feels the need to confront him, even if they're not really talking. Blaine does this by stopping by Burt's auto shop on one of the days Kurt works (and, wow, he still knows Kurt's working schedule?).

"What are you doing?" Blaine demands, stepping across the employee line to the car that Kurt's changing the oil on. Kurt stands up straight and turns to face him.

"I'm working," he says, but Burt is watching from across the room.

"Go on," Burt says. "You obviously have some things to talk about."

Blaine grins triumphantly, and he drags Kurt back to the break room.

Kurt crosses his arm, not really caring about the oil stain he'll get on his shirt, not when it's such a cheap kind of fabric. "Why are you here?"

"Because I know you, Kurt," he says, "and this isn't like you. We were best friends for years. I heard how you talked about Brittany." For a minute, he hesitates and a strange expression comes across his face. "You liked her. And now you're suddenly in love with someone else? Santana?"

"It's not sudden," Kurt replies, thinking of the first question.

"Oh, and you let me date her?" Blaine retorts, thinking of the second.

"It doesn't matter," Kurt says. "Blaine, I'm dating Santana, and that's all there is to it. I'm sorry that I hurt Brittany, but it's not something I can change."

Blaine gives him a look that makes the guilt in his stomach twist sharply. Kurt looks to the side.

"Please don't say anything," Kurt begs. "I know that a lot of people are judging me, but can I just have my best friend on my side?"

Blaine cracks. "Best friend?" he repeats hesitantly.

Kurt remembers that they haven't been speaking. He gives Blaine a small smile. "You'll always be my best friend."

Something shines in Blaine's eyes. He lowers his gaze to the floor. "Do you really mean that?"

"I've missed you," Kurt says.

"I thought you stopped talking to me because I'm gay."

Kurt looks abashed. "I . . . was," he admits, "but there's more than that. I'm sorry."

And that day somethings changes. Kurt and Blaine are back to the way they used to be. The way they used to be as children, when they would watch musicals together and when they would dance around their bedrooms singing and when they would tune into terrible tv shows and when Kurt would tell Blaine everything.

The only stipulation is that everything remains in their bedrooms. No one at McKinley can know that Kurt Hummel still loves all those things that he was bullied for.

(Blaine agrees, of course. He can't deny Kurt anything, and he kind of likes the way this secret is just between the two of them. It's personal. It's just Kurt and Blaine.)

* * *

Opening up a little more to Blaine feels amazing. It's great to have him around again, and this makes Kurt smile. All the time. Well, not all the time. But Kurt does smile more around people he's comfortable with, particularly with the glee club.

This does not go unnoticed.

(At first, most people brush it aside as happiness for being with the person he loves, which they still believe to be Santana. They still act a little coldly because Kurt and Santana hurt Brittany, but slowly they soften. Kurt never really smiled when he was with Brittany. He never really smiled at all. If Kurt is happy, it must be good. But then they seem to realize that the happiness has nothing to do with Santana, really. Kurt doesn't really smile around Santana. They hold hands in the hallways, they sing duets together, but they don't seem happy, despite their claims to be in love. No, Kurt smiles more around Blaine, whom he's finally accepting (and defending from any and all bullies). No one can really work up the nerve to comment on this though.)

* * *

New Directions gets past Sectionals. They get past Regionals. Finn and Rachel kiss at Nationals, and they lose.

**twelfth grade**

Kurt and Blaine once again spend the summer poolside together. Kurt once again uses it as a chance to check out Blaine. (Blaine seems to have plateaued at 5'8", though his shoulders seem a little broader and his arms a little stronger and Kurt can't help but imagine what it would be like to be held in those arms.) Kurt himself has significantly grown over the summer. He's now 5'11", and his baby fat seems to have disappeared, especially around his face. Kurt uses this to his advantage.

After all, now that he knows Blaine is gay, what's the harm in drawing a little attention to the fact that, Kurt, Blaine's best friend, is kind of hot?

He thinks it works too. He catches Blaine staring at him occasionally, eyes wide, subtly sinking lower in the water.

It's a pretty good summer, in Kurt's opinion.

* * *

The school year comes easily now. The glee kids are slushied a little, but it's not as often. The seniors begin preparing for life after high school. (Rachel has plans to go NYADA, a performing arts school. Finn doesn't know what he's doing. Puck wants to go military. Santana and Brittany are looking around for colleges. Mike is torn between what he wants and what his parents want. Kurt secretly works on a portfolio and makes plans to apply to Parsons.)

New Directions goes through Sectionals like a breeze.

When they go to Regionals, they feel ready to place-except they need to pick songs. They decide to talk about this on the bus ride to the competition (which is an improvement from last year when they waited until they were at the competition), and somehow the theme of mash-ups is decided upon.

"What about Rumour Has It and Someone Like You?" Tina suggests.

Everyone likes the idea. They decide to split the solos up this time, giving a huge part to Mercedes (and Kurt can't help but feel happy because that girl deserves it, with her amazing voice and all) and smaller parts to Santana and Kurt.

Kurt does not appreciate this.

"'You made a fool out of me, and, boy, you're bringing me down,'" he reads from the sheet music. His heart pounds as he realizes what he'd be singing. His head snaps up, eyes cold. "I can't sing this. I'd sound gay."

Beside him, Blaine looks-betrayed? hurt? disappointed?-startled. So do the rest of the glee club.

"Dude," says Puck.

Rachel inhales indignantly. "Being gay is not a bad thing. Neither is sounding gay. And it's offensive and homophobic that you would act as if-"

"Kurt, your best friend is gay and sitting right next to you. How could you say that?" Mercedes asks.

He looks over. Blaine's head is lowered, and he's looking away from Kurt, as if trying to avoid all contact with him. Kurt wants to wrap his arms around Blaine and explain what he meant. He gets that feeling a lot, the feeling of wanting to come out to someone, wanting to come out to Blaine. But he can't. He can't risk coming out and telling Blaine and being rejected. And he can't do it with everyone watching him. He's not ready.

"I'm not singing that," he says.

The song is then solely split between Mercedes and Santana. They also decide to do Any Way You Want It / Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'. They've just managed to divide up the lines when the bus pulls into the parking lot. The glee kids start stretching their legs in preparation to exit. Mr. Schue gives another dumb speech. As soon as they're released, Blaine darts off the bus (and away from Kurt).

Kurt stares after him longingly. He doesn't even notice that everyone else has left the bus.

Except Finn.

"Bro," says Finn.

Kurt averts his gaze. "What do you want?" he snaps. He doesn't need someone to lecture him about Blaine.

"I'm not going there," Finn says calmly, raising his hands in the air. His eyes soften. "I just wanted to let you know that we're family."

"Uh."

"You and I. And the whole glee club," Finn adds. "We're going to love you no matter what. We all love each other-whether you make a mistake and say something awful… or you come out."

His words are general and not necessarily aimed at anyone. But he gives Kurt a look.

And then he walks away.

* * *

Kurt takes a moment to regather himself. When he meets up with the rest of the New Directions in the green room, he finds a solemn scene. Everyone is silent and avoiding eyes. Quinn and Brittany have their arms wrapped around Santana, whose shoulders are shaking until she looks up at Kurt and started sobbing.

Suddenly, Kurt feels a hand on his shoulder. He looks over and sees Puck.

"Sorry," he whispers.

Kurt blinks. "What happened?"

Someone points to the TV. On screen, there's footage of the posters of the three competing glee clubs that are sitting outside the building. When it comes back around to the New Directions, Kurt realizes what has happened.

The poster was vandalized.

That in and of itself obviously wouldn't faze anyone, but he looks over to where the image of Santana stands. "Dyke," it reads.

His shoulders collapse.

"Santana," he calls softly. All thoughts of how he's supposed to act have fallen away. He's genuinely concerned about her. He can't imagine what being outted must be like.

She turns her head away from him. He looks at her sympathetically. Everyone else watches the two of them, completely bewildered.

Mr. Schue pokes his head in the room. "It's time to go on, guys," he says, not seeming to notice the tension in the room.

So they go on stage, and Mercedes and Santana are singing their parts, everyone else back-up. And then it happens-Santana's voice cracks. Just slightly, enough to be excused as the microphone. But Kurt watches how her shoulders tremble, and he knows she's not going to make it through the next line.

So he does it.

"Bless your soul, you've got your head in the clouds," he sings. "You made a fool out of me, and, boy, you're bringing me down."

It feels as if the whole glee club's eyes are on him. He knows they're not. They can't afford to all suddenly look at him during a competition. But he glances over at Blaine. and Blaine is looking at least.

So, with every bit of courage he has in him, Kurt directs his next lines at Blaine.

"You made my heart melt, yeah, I'm cold to the core," he says, the choreography making him step right in front of Blaine. His heart pounds, especially from the way Blaine's eyes are focused on him, wide and beautiful. "Rumour has it I'm the one you're leaving her for."

Kurt tilts his head ever so slightly, hoping that this gesture, these words, send more of a signal than he knows they logically can.

Then he remembers that everyone was watching them. This wasn't a stolen moment in Kurt's bedroom. It wasn't one of those moments where they were kind of flirting but no more steps were taken, and no one ever had to know because it was just them. Everyone saw that.

His stomach plummets. He continues through the rest of the competition lifelessly.

* * *

They win Regionals, but the ride back to McKinley is silent. Kurt hopes to speak to Santana, but as soon as they stop, she's gone.

* * *

When Kurt finds her, she's hiding between his and Blaine's cars, leaning up against the tires sobbing. Kurt reaches out to put his hand on her shoulder reassuringly, but she grabs his forearm and yanks him down so he's kneeling next to her.

"Just," she begins, her voice a little shaky from crying, "just because someone said I'm gay doesn't mean you're off the hook. You're still my boyfriend."

"Okay," Kurt says. He's not really sure why he agrees, but what does it hurt? He doesn't gain anything from breaking up with her. It's not like he can go run into the sunset with Blaine.

"I mean it," Santana says.

"I said okay." Kurt sits down next to her. "Do you need a ride home?"

Santana glances across the parking lot, where her mom is waiting. Kurt recalls that her grandma had also come along, but the space next to her mom is suspiciously empty. "No," Santana says eventually. She walks away.

* * *

Kurt tries to ignore Blaine at lunch. It's not that hard, seeing as Blaine is ignoring Kurt as well. The other glee guys still aren't happy with him, but they're not as outright exclusionary as Blaine is, so Kurt is allowed to sit with them. Kurt doesn't mind too much. He needs time to reorganize his thoughts anyway.

Then he hears, "Isn't it funny that we dated and we both turned out to be gay?"

He tosses a glare at Blaine.

"Santana isn't gay," he says.

Blaine gives him a sympathetic look before hardening, as if he remembers that he's not supposed to be nice right now.

"Sorry, dude," Sam says, "but Santana is definitely gay."

"No, she's not," says Kurt. "I know my girlfriend. She's not gay."

"How do you know for sure if you haven't had sex?" asks Blaine. Kurt is surprised that he's speaking to him, but there's something in Blaine's voice, he can't place it, that makes him respond.

"How do you know we haven't?" Kurt retorts as he rises to dump his tray.

The rest of the guys seem to forget that they're supposed to be mad at Kurt and cheer. "Yeah! Get it, Hummel!" Blaine's face drops, his eyes wide open with emotion. Hurt, betrayal, jealousy, something. Kurt doesn't know. He's starting to think he's not as good at reading Blaine as he thought.

"What are you upset for?" he asks. "It wasn't like I had sex with her while you were dating."

Blaine looks up and scowls at him. "You know, Kurt, you're such a prick sometimes." Then he stands up and storms over to the trash can to dump his tray. He passes Kurt as he leaves the room, and Kurt is pretty sure he can see tears in his eyes.

All Kurt wants to do is take Blaine in his arms and hold him. Just thinking about this, the words "I love you, Blaine," come to his lips. He swallows them back down and looks over to the table. Most of the guys are watching him, but he sees Sam staring after Blaine, an expression of concern spread across his face.

"Poor Blaine," he mumbles. "That really has to suck."

Kurt turns and leaves. He doesn't want to know what that's about.

* * *

Even though Kurt and Santana say they're still dating, there are rumors. Not just about Santana. They're being called beards. There are insinuations that Kurt is sleeping with Blaine. There are names being thrown around. This all makes Kurt so scared he wants to throw up.

When someone spray paints "dyke" on Santana's locker, it's all too familiar for him. Brittany seeks him out, asks him to help her clean it off. He agrees and once again hesitantly apologizes for breaking up with her like he did.

"You can't stop love," she says. Then she adds, her voice becoming a little strange in tone, "And I'm not sure we were ever really in love . . . ."

Kurt can't help but smile. "I know," he says. "Friends?"

Brittany throws herself into his arms. "Friends can still have cuddles, right?" she asks against his shoulder.

"Of course."

So Brittany and Kurt spend their afternoon cleaning and repainting Santana's locker instead of in class. Coach Sylvester once again excuses them, and she gives another pitying look in Kurt's direction. Kurt wonders how she seems to know so much.

(Brittany vaguely mentions this afternoon to Blaine the next day. Blaine perks up a little, knowing that his best friend has tried to help in this fight. Then Brittany vaguely mentions her dream where she and Kurt fixed Blaine's locker.

Blaine freezes. "How do you know it was a dream?" he asks.

"Because dream Kurt told me it was," Brittany says as if it should be obvious.)

* * *

Kurt and Blaine are watching the Sound of Music when Blaine brings it up. Maria has just left the von Trapp household when Blaine pauses the TV and turns onto his side to look at Kurt directly.

"Someone wrote fag on my locker, and you cleaned it," he says firmly.

Kurt denies it.

"Don't lie to me," Blaine says, clearly exasperated. "I thought we were better than that. Brittany told me. Not on purpose. You told her she was dreaming."

Kurt says, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Blaine rolls his eyes. "Why didn't you want me to know?"

"I-"

"You think I don't know how people look at me in the halls?" Blaine asks. He sits up and pulls his knees to his chest. "Because I do. I know what they say, and I know how they act, but I'm not changing. I'm gay, and that's that."

Kurt doesn't answer.

"Thank you," Blaine adds as an afterthought. "So when did they write on my locker?"

Kurt is silent.

"Kurt."

"Right after you came out," he answers eventually.

Blaine's eyes fly wide open. "We weren't even talking then," he says breathlessly.

"I know."

"So you still cared about me?" There's an odd kind of hope in his voice that makes Kurt want to hope. Kurt pushes this down.

"Of course. You're my best friend," he says.

Blaine's eyes are a little watery with emotion. "But . . . you seemed like you were homophobic at the time."

Kurt's shoulders loosen ever so slightly. "Blaine," he begins, but he chickens out and lies. "I always knew you were gay."

Blaine is surprised. "You did?"

"That's why I did all that. Why I dated Brittany. Why I had you date Santana. Why Santana had you join the Cheerios. To keep you safe."

Blaine is suddenly on guard. He scoots to the edge of Kurt's bed. "I don't understand," he says, when he obviously does.

Kurt, as always, pushes everyone away when he's upset. "Well, it doesn't matter anyway," he snaps, "because you ruined it by coming out. You could have at least stayed on the Cheerios, but no, you had to quit, and now you get slushied!"

Blaine looks like Kurt has committed the ultimate betrayal.

"I don't like lying to myself," Blaine says. His voice is shaky but determined. "I don't like hiding myself. I call my mother Nanay when everyone says I should say Mom because that's American. But I'm half-Filipino, and I won't hide that. So I call her Nanay. I'm not going to hide being gay. I'm proud of it. I like guys. I want to kiss guys. I want to fuck guys. I want guys to fuck me."

Kurt can't keep the disgusted look off his face. He knows how easily it will be misconstrued, but he hates the idea of Blaine was someone else.

Blaine slaps him.

"Fuck you, Kurt," Blaine yells, loud enough that everyone in the house definitely heard. "I don't know why I've kept talking to you for all these years. You're a horrible person. You manipulate me. You only talk to me half the time. You make homophobic comments and then make me think that you actually care about me."

Kurt feels tears in his eyes. He closes them stubbornly. He hasn't cried in front of someone in years. If he were to ever again, he'd want it to be in front of Blaine, but not like this. Not when Blaine is so furious.

Blaine's voice is falling apart when he speaks again. "And the worst part," he says, "is that I don't even know which you is the real you. Is the you that plays football and hangs out with guys like Karofsky and Azimio? Is it the you that sings duets with me in glee club even though others would call us gay? Is it the you that cleaned my locker when we were fighting? Is it the you that still likes musicals and terrible primetime television?"

Kurt doesn't know what to say or how to defend himself

"It doesn't even matter," Blaine grimaces. "Because no matter what you do, I'm still going to be in-" He cuts himself off and storms out. As soon as the door slams, Burt comes running upstairs.

"What was that all about?" he demands, and Kurt knows that he's caught most of the conversation.

Kurt cries. Burt holds him for a while. It's the closest they've been in years. They don't speak about Blaine at all.

* * *

Kurt hadn't intended on going to prom. The faux relationship between him and Santana had fallen apart, and he had no desire to go with another girl, or even a guy. He just wanted to go with Blaine. But Blaine would never forgive him, so Kurt resided himself to staying home and watching his cheesy romcoms alone.

The plans change when Brittany calls him the night before prom. Her voice is choked, as if she was crying, but she gets through the words quickly. "Santana said she'd go to prom with me, but now she says she's going with Karofksy. Will you please take me?"

So Kurt manages to procure a suit and tailor it to his figure before prom, and he and Brittany go together and join the rest of the glee kids who don't really have dates and are just hanging around together.

Blaine avoids Kurt the whole time, of course.

Prom goes okay. Kurt dances with Brittany, and he works up the nerve to dance with Mercedes, Tina, and Rachel too. He opens up a little, tries to act like himself, as if he can remember who Kurt Hummel even is. He supposes he must do okay because they all seem happy at seeing him act this way. By the time the royalty announcement comes around, Kurt is feeling pretty good.

Principal Figgins steps on stage. He has two envelopes in his hand and, sounding bored as ever, he opens the first and reads, "Your McKinley High 2012 Prom Queen is . . . Blaine Anderson?"

Time freezes. Everyone looks over at Blaine. Blaine looks like he's about to break, like he's a glass figurine looming over the edge of the table right before he shatters into pieces.

Figgins hurriedly opens the other envelope. "Your Prom King is Santana Lopez. Oh, the names must have been switched," he says lightly.

Everyone knows they weren't.

For a horrible moment, Kurt wonders if in a world where he'd never met Blaine, a world where he'd come out on his own, if this would have been his fate. The idea is terrifying. He can't imagine what he'd do in that situation.

Maybe he'd be like Blaine, calmly marching up on stage and taking the crown.

Maybe he'd be like Santana, running out of the room in tears.

Brittany chases after her, but then the whole room is silent, as Blaine stands alone during what should be the dance between the king and the queen.

Kurt asks himself what Blaine would do in this situation. He thinks of the answer calmly and decides to be the kind of person Blaine is, at least for one night.

"May I have this dance?" he asks as he steps in front of Blaine. Blaine looks astonished and a little guarded. Kurt smiles. "It's not every day I have the opportunity to dance with royalty."

After a moment, Blaine seems to decide that Kurt means no harm. He takes his hand, and they dance together in the otherwise silent room. They're alone for about half a minute, before Mercedes asks Rachel to dance, and then Puck Finn, and Tina and Quinn, and Sam and Artie. It's just the glee kids on the dance floor, but they don't care for a little bit. They're all friends.

Brittany and Santana come back in, and they join, and soon everyone at prom has started dancing again.

The longer Blaine is in Kurt's arms, the more he relaxes. Kurt can't help but enjoy that, and soon enough, Blaine has tucked his head on Kurt's shoulder, and they're dancing way too close to actually be just friends, though Kurt isn't sure Blaine has realized it yet.

"Come on," Tina calls, breaking them apart. "There's a bonfire at Mercedes's house. We'll miss it if we don't leave."

They pile in the couple limos they rented, though no one is in the same group they arrived with. They're all a little tipsy on the spiked punch from the prom, and then someone brought vodka into the limo, and they sip on that. There's more alcohol at Mercedes's, whose parents are gone for the evening, and by 2:00, Kurt has found himself drunk, though not so drunk as to be called wasted, in his opinion.

He would bestow that title on Rachel, who was hanging off Finn.

"This is great, isn't it, Kurt?" Blaine asks him, and Kurt thinks that maybe Blaine needs that title too, but he already has a title, although it's not the nicest title. Kurt thinks Blaine is more a king than a queen.

"You're a king," Kurt blurts out.

Blaine laughs at the crown in his hands. "Queen," he corrects.

"King," Kurt says again.

They stumble around each other for a minute.

"Do you want to watch a movie at my house?" Kurt asks, suddenly invigorated by the idea of being alone with Blaine. "Just the two of us. Let's blow this place. I missed you. We didn't finish the Sound of Music."

Kurt's voice isn't very loud, but it never is. It's the closest Kurt has ever come to acknowledging what they do in public. Blaine's face lights up.

"You're so smart," he exclaims, patting Kurt's shoulder. "We should do that."

Kurt asks Finn, the only sober one, to drive them home. Finn agrees, as it's an excuse to escape Rachel at least briefly, and soon enough Kurt and Blaine are back at the Hudmels, a little less drunk, but still very silly. They stumble into the living room, trying to be silent, until Kurt remembers that his parents had gone out for the night because they didn't expect Kurt and Finn to come home.

"We're alone," Kurt slurs, bracing himself on Blaine's shoulders. His legs feel a little weak, but Blaine wraps his arms around his waist to support him, and wow, Kurt was definitely right about how it felt to be in Blaine's arms.

"All alone?" Blaine asks. He seems a little nervous too, and Kurt wonders why. He examines Blaine's eyes, which are a little dark, and his cheeks a little red. Kurt glances down and decides that Blaine's face isn't the only part of him reacting to Kurt's presence.

"All alone," Kurt repeats. He tries to find the words he's been meaning to say, tries to tell Blaine he's gay and in love with him. Instead, he leans forward and messily presses his lips to Blaine. Had Blaine been sober, he would have thought it a disgusting, sloppy kiss, but Blaine's drunk too, so it's the most amazing kiss ever to the two boys.

They fall over each other as they make their way to Kurt's bedroom, not really bothering to be quiet, but soaking up the feeling of holding each other.

"You're so hot," Blaine mumbles against Kurt's neck as they pause on the steps. He nips and licks and says, "Been wanting to do this forever. You don't even know, Kurt. You don't even know . . . ."

In Kurt's room, Blaine lays down on the bed while Kurt unlocks his nightstand drawer and pulls out lube and condoms.

"You have lube," Blaine says.

Kurt flushes a little more than he already was. "I like to use it. On myself."

The weight of the words doesn't sink in, and Blaine pulls Kurt back down, and they shed clothes and feel each other.

"I'm giving you my virginity," Blaine moans at one point. "I wouldn't trust it with anyone else. Never wanted anyone else. Just you."

Kurt doesn't reply. He's not a virgin, but he feels like one, with the way it's new and different and Blaine.

They fall asleep in each other's arms, curled up contently. Kurt feels more like himself than he has in years.

* * *

Everything must come to an end. In the morning, Burt knocks on the door (because Finn had eventually made it home and he'd mentioned that Blaine had stayed the night) to let Kurt know that he was wanting to enter.

Kurt freaks because, well, he's naked. He's naked and in bed with Blaine, who's also naked, and he can't help but think that his dad will never let them be alone together again.

"Just a minute," Kurt says, which is already a little nerve-racking because he never tells his dad to wait. He tries to get out of bed, but he's a little hungover and disoriented, so his feet tangle in the sheets, which wakes Blaine. (Kurt takes a quick look at him and falls in love all over again. He'd forgotten to take the gel out, but the sweat had allowed some curls to fly free, and Blaine's post-coital morning face is pretty damn hot, especially when his eyes pass over Kurt and darken when he realizes that Kurt is completely bare.)

Burt sighs from the other side of the door. "I don't know what you did last night, Kurt," he says, "and I don't want to know. But get dressed and meet me downstairs. And tell Blaine to get dressed too, although he needs to stay right there."

Blaine is now embarrassed, and he ducks and hides under Kurt's blankets. Kurt sighs and pulls on some loose clothing. He steps over to the side of the bed and kisses what he thinks is Blaine's head.

"Sorry," he mutters.

Blaine peeks out. "Sorry as in sorry you slept with me?" he asks before ducking back inside the mass of blankets and pillows. He no longer hides anything in his tone, or maybe he can't anymore, not with the way they completely opened to each other last night. Kurt can tell that Blaine is scared of Kurt rejecting him in the morning, of Kurt only being a drunk bisexual.

"Sorry as in sorry my dad found us," Kurt says. He knows he needs to meet with Burt right away, but he lingers a little longer. "I love you," he says.

Blaine tosses the blankets off, revealing his face and torso. "You love me?" he wonders, as if the idea is foreign.

"I'm gay," Kurt says, "and I love you. I have for years. All I've ever wanted is you, but-"

Blaine pulls him forward and kisses him. It's much better to kiss Blaine sober, Kurt realizes.

"I love you too," Blaine says, his face open and happy. He leans his head into Kurt's shoulder. You're why I did all that stuff. You told me to date Santana, so I did. You told me to join the Cheerios, so I did. But then I joined glee, and I thought maybe I could come out, and . . . and sometimes I got hopeful, but you always seemed to change your mind, and- do you really love me?"

"Santana blackmailed me," Kurt says. He rolls Blaine underneath him and kisses him again. "Since eighth grade. She told me to ask Brittany out or she'd tell everyone I'm gay and in love with you."

"Would that have been so bad?" Blaine asks, his voice hardly there when Kurt is pressing kisses to his chest. "We could have been together. Supported each other."

Kurt pauses and takes in the sight before him-the boy he loves in his bed, completely loving and willing. "Maybe not," he admits, "but we've got each other now."

They kiss a little more before Kurt again tries to pull away to meet his dad.

"Wait," Blaine calls before Kurt can make it out the door. "At Regionals. You looked at me during Rumour Has It / Someone Like You. Did you . . .?"

"Always you," Kurt says before he has to run away because he doesn't know how long he can keep the nerve to leave Blaine.

Burt tells Kurt that he doesn't care whether Kurt is gay or bi or whatever, but he needs to use protection. Burt hands him another box of condoms and a bottle of lube, and Kurt wants to laugh because he has this stuff, but he pockets it. Hey, with a boyfriend, he might go through it all.

"I love you no matter what," Burt says. "You're my son. But be careful with Blaine. You two have always had a special ability to get right to each other's hearts, and . . . I don't want to pick up the pieces. Of either of you."

"I love Blaine," Kurt says calmly. He doesn't care that Carole, in the kitchen, can hear him, or that Finn's head snaps in his direction from the living room. "I love Blaine," he repeats.

It's all he needs for now.

* * *

New Directions wins Nationals that year. Santana and Brittany are openly together, and so are Kurt and Blaine. Kurt gets into Parsons. He gets an apartment with Rachel and Santana. He asks that Blaine wait for him.

"We can go to New York together," he says.

"You'll already be in New York," Blaine says practically. "But I'll meet you there."

And he does.

**Well, there's the end of my first Klaine fic! What should I write next? Hogwarts AU, Superhero AU, Soulmate AU, or a Jesse St. James type Spy!Kurt AU?**


End file.
